I and some friends were away for a week vacation in Greece.
We were 8 friends that travelled; all of us were good friends with each other. We
met at high school where we studied in the same class. The main reason of the
trip was clear to everyone; swimming in the ocean, sunbathing and party all
night long.
What happened was that we always divided our self into
smaller groups of two to three peoples. Same thing happened when we went either
to the beach or the bars. But there is no problem to divide into smaller groups;
I guess it is quite normal to divide into smaller groups when you are eight
persons. In the beginning of the week everyone asked each other if they wanted
to follow to a certain activity, but after some days people stopped asking and
just assumed that “the others” didn’t want to follow.
I think that the motivation why the group was divided
happened because it’s much easier to do something if you are two or three
persons than if you are eight. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask the
other friends if they want to follow. I think this happens quite often in
normal situations too, for example if someone says “no” a couple of times when
you’re planning an activity, many people just assume that they will never want
to do it again.
My question now is: What can a larger group (like
eight persons) do to avoid dividing into smaller groups and keep trying to get
other peoples to join a certain activity?
Patrik
A great anecdote, and a very interesting question! I can definitely relate to your experience, and I am sure almost everyone else will be able to, irrespective of their age group. I can imagine a similar situation during social activities at work places, schools, colleges or even within families. One answer that comes to mind is that someone who is mature and insightful enough to understand the situation (exactly how you did!) could stand up and try new tricks to bring the whole group together. The leader could probably plan activities that would seem interesting to all the small groups. Some activities might involve forming small teams, where people can get to know more about the other members. Of course, it is easier said than done. This solution may or may not work perfectly, but I think it would be worth a try, right?
SvaraRaderaHi Nirav
RaderaBut everyone already knew each other and I don't think activities where you form smaller teams would work. We are still adults so it feels strange to "play games".
It is really hard to figure out a solution. And as I wrote, everyone wanted to be the leader so I don't think a leader could decide the activity either.
Thank you for your feedback!
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SvaraRaderaHi Patrik,
SvaraRaderaI have seen this problem countless times, now you mention it. As in a large group, people who know each other before will form sub-groups, people who are out-going also manage to get their own group and people who are not fit to any groups will likely be lonely. That is why we need a person called facilitator or a leader setting up the conversations and activities so that everybody can get to know each other better. Recalling what Brad did in class, every task he devided us into different small groups; everybody is new to each other and you will feel less lonely, defeintely.
About the issue of not inviting somebody assummed that he/she wouldn't go, I think it depends. Some people might prefer to travel alone some times. But I think, there should be a leader and this person's responsibility is to pursuade everyboday to go, when you plan a trip like that.
As you are going to the beach, again, I think you need a leader like Nirav say, and organize activites, which involed the whole group, such as beach volleyball and beach soccer. Something like cooking/barbecuing on the beach is always nice, the more the merrier. For special group i.e. "couples", don't care about them though haha.
Hi Patrik,
SvaraRaderaI guess you have brought up a very valid problem that most of us would have encountered before. Indeed, when we have a large group of friends, it is hard to avoid splitting in smaller groups for our activities.
Before I go into the discussion on finding a solution for it, I would like to share my viewpoint on this matter. I feel that if we are more comfortable with the smaller group of friends, it might be a good thing that we get around in small groups most of the time as we can enjoy ourselves more thoroughly during the trip. On the contrary, when we are in big groups, we make need to make accommodations and compromises in terms of where we go and what we do, and this makes the entire trip less enjoyable.
I understand that when we go for a vacation with a group of friends, we also hope to spend time with all of them. Hence, we would want to have some large group activities as well. A possible solution could be to bring everyone together every night and plan the activities for the next day. For example, you all might decide to go swimming together in the evening on the next day but besides that, the small groups are free to decide what they want to do for the rest of the day. But of course, someone has to take the initiative to get everyone together for the planning.
Finally, here are some suggestions to improve on your blog post:
I and some friends >>> Some friends and I (“I” should come last)
the motivation why the group was divided happened >>> the reason behind this division
if you are two or three persons than if you are eight >>> if you are in groups of two or three than if you are in groups of eight
This is a clear, concise scenario, Patrik. You do a good job getting to the core issue of your friends dividing into subgroups and going off to do things. What I'm not quite sure of is why this was a problem. Did some of you have the expectation that all activities would be done communally? If you did, that might have been more clearly stated.
SvaraRaderaHere are some other issues:
1) The main reason of the trip was clear to everyone; swimming in the ocean, sunbathing and party all night long. >>> (structures not parallel) ???
2) divided our self >>> ???
3) But there is no problem ... >>> tense?
4) peoples >>> ???
You've initiated some good responses. Thanks for the post!
Hi Patrik, this is a very common situation I think, as I faced the similar situation a few times before. To resolve it, I think the group should have one person who is able to bring everyone together. He/she can voice out to prevent the assumption that the others wont follow.
SvaraRaderaAlso, since you guys went together, there should be some common things among the eight people. Thus, the group should leverage on those common interests or activities that all eight people surely enjoy; so that people don't have to assume anything because they know the rest will definitely love to join :)
Hi Patrik,
SvaraRaderaI believe that your problem is very common and it would have most likely happen to any large group. I have been in your situation a couple of times and I think that there is actually no real solution to the problem. Firstly, I think the main aim of forming such a group is to have fun and enjoy whatever you are doing with the people that are in the group. Therefore, I think that anyone who is going to make a decision should think of how that it will affect the group before making such a decision. I do agree it can be difficult at times to make decision when you are with such a big group as there bound to be many conflicting ideas. I think that group members should be understanding and go with the decision that would best benefit the group.